Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
