Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
