Acid is not a monday night drug
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
