Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
