I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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