Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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