He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
so much tequila, so little girl.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
