i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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