i barfeds in our rink
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
