dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
