maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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