Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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