wat bout pragnant strippers??
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
