I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
