i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
