I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
