Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
