the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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