yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
