The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
