his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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