Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
