Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am midnight drunk by noon
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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