i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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