I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
