Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
