I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
