just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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