so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
