I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
