Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
