Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
