I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
