I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
