I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
