I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
