i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
