The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
