That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
