I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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