She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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