Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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