I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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