He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
