i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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