I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
