You just made me feel so damn special
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
