You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
