i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
