I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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