so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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