Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
